Workforce Warriors Gifts

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Oap recruitment.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Work Slave