Overworked Office Warrior Gifts

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Working hours.

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

Laptop Dancing.

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

Your Work/Life Balance Is Off. Shall I Auto-Correct?

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'