Corporate Retreat Gifts

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

Wrong leadership.

CEO decides to enroll the board in an apology workshop.

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

Group Think Time

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

"We were too busy ignoring the warning signs to pay attention to the projected disaster."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'I thought we'd get a merger agreement, so I arranged for our accountant teams to be on hand.'

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

'Mind you, at the corporate retreat we used a ladder for this team-building exercise - but the principle's the same.'

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

"So...this is how we set sales goals."

'One day he stepped back so he could see the big picture. Then he turned and ran like hell.'

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

"I'd run it by legal myself, but they have a restraining order against me."

"OK team, we need innovative solutions and we need 'em fast!"

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

"The meeting will come to order."

"In order to expedite this meeting, I'm putting you all on mute."

"So we're agreed our strategy is to agree strategies for identifying a strategy that will guide us to increase profits."

"We take confidentiality very seriously in this company."

"I always cry at mergers."

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

'And remember - failure is not an option...oh, hang on, yes it is.'