Corporate Retreat Mugs

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

'This committee will have two functions - to execute my plans and to accept responsibility if they fail.'

Wrong leadership.

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

CEO decides to enroll the board in an apology workshop.

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

"We were too busy ignoring the warning signs to pay attention to the projected disaster."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'I thought we'd get a merger agreement, so I arranged for our accountant teams to be on hand.'

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

'Mind you, at the corporate retreat we used a ladder for this team-building exercise - but the principle's the same.'

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

'One day he stepped back so he could see the big picture. Then he turned and ran like hell.'

"So...this is how we set sales goals."

"I'd run it by legal myself, but they have a restraining order against me."

"The meeting will come to order."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

"So we're agreed our strategy is to agree strategies for identifying a strategy that will guide us to increase profits."

"We take confidentiality very seriously in this company."

"In order to expedite this meeting, I'm putting you all on mute."

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

"I always cry at mergers."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

'Many of our employees are under a lot of pressure. This keeps them from getting the bends if they begin to unwind too quickly.' (Decompression chamber)

'Our company hasn't changed much over the years. Most ideas still come from the top.'