Business World Survivor Gifts

"Everything has been done to death."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."