Business Battlefield Survivor Gifts

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"I feel your pain."

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

The Buck Never Stops.

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

Office Weather

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."