Stock Slip Survivalist Gifts

'The market was down today substantially on fears that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Sub-prime Bear

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

Fairy Tales. The piggy bank's been smiling a lot lately. He's the only one who didn't lose his savings in the stock market meltdown.

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Drawing on an island.

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Economic casualties.

"Grog understand supply and demand."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

Easy street ends.

'Probably just another correctional movement...'

Make Your Portfolio BEARable.

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

'It's safe to come out now; they're done recapping today's market.'

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."