Stock Slip Survivalist Pillows

'The market was down today substantially on fears that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Sub-prime Bear

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Drawing on an island.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Economic casualties.

"Grog understand supply and demand."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'It's safe to come out now; they're done recapping today's market.'

Easy street ends.

'Probably just another correctional movement...'

Make Your Portfolio BEARable.

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

"Sure, you lost most of your money investing in this stock, but they did give you a participation trophy."

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."

"First me stock split, then my wife ran away with my broker, then my driverless car drove off without me..."