Stock Survivor Pillows

Ailtrack

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

The Buck Never Stops.

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

Sub-prime Bear

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'