Stock Market Struggler Gifts

'Why do the bad things that happen to stupid investors always happen to me?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Stock market investment advice

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

Sad businessman with sinking profits

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

It's 10 p.m. Do you know how low your investment banking stocks can go?

Businessman on a Slippery Downward Slide.

Animal worries.

Economic casualties.

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'Aren't corporate raiders getting increasingly aggressive?'

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

'George has us well diversified. We own every stock in the Misfortune 500.'

Doctors appointment.

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

'My problem is, I lost my first million before I made my first million.'