Market Struggler Gifts

Sad businessman with sinking profits

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Well, I can't figure it out either. Do we know anyone that can help us with math homework?"

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

"I can't get the price sticker off this non stick pan, you sold me!"

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

"I said, can you hear me now...?!"

'I am a staving artist. I'm fat because all I can afford is junk food!'

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

"Learning percentages has made me realize there's a 50% chance I'll flunk math."

"It's not begging if you've been to college. It's attempting to arrange interim financing while restructuring your debt load."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"I can't believe I scored so low on my algebra test."

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

I hate blind carbon copies when the computers are down.

'Until that stabilizes, we will be monitoring your doses of market news.'

'I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. How do you expect me to remember another bloody password!?'

'Oh, dear. Declines outnumbered advances.'

'Just when I thought we might become competitive they launch this vertical integration strategy.'

The smartphone app learning curve

'It's one of those days when point and click feels more like drag and drop.'

"If it makes you feel better...I usually don't understand what I'm doing either."

"The DOW will reach 100,000. What else do you want to hear?"

'I hate Mondays!'

Catwalk catastrophe at New York Fashion Week.