Market Dabbler Gifts

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

Stock Market - Ok, you've convinced me - give me one more share.

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

My first mistake.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Do you know why you never made VP? Indecisiveness. You're still indecisive!"

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Investors Chronicle' "How do I know whether to buy it or not?"

'Well, do you want to sign up or not?' - 'Um...yes and no.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

The four major food groups.

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"It's not begging if you've been to college. It's attempting to arrange interim financing while restructuring your debt load."

Self Service, Self Denial

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

Ask About Our Diet Doughnuts! All the calories are in the holes.

"You call that an investment strategy?"