Stock Market Dabbler Gifts

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Catering to the Small Investor since 1929.

"These interest rate rises are really beginning to bite."

'I'd be interested in any stocks that are Oprah-approved.'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"You call that an investment strategy?"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Do you know why you never made VP? Indecisiveness. You're still indecisive!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

Animal worries.

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Businessman on a Slippery Downward Slide.

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'Investors Chronicle' "How do I know whether to buy it or not?"

'Well, do you want to sign up or not?' - 'Um...yes and no.'

Wall Street walking traffic sign flashes 'Worry' and 'Don't Worry.'

'Aren't corporate raiders getting increasingly aggressive?'

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'

Doctors appointment.

"When I evolve I'm going to be an elephant."

'My problem is, I lost my first million before I made my first million.'

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

Boris Johnson and the Stock Market

"Oh, don't get all defensive at me!"

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.