Market Gambler Gifts

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"The DOW will reach 100,000. What else do you want to hear?"

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

Doctor's poker.

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'Look! I grew a carrot!'

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

'This may be an old computer, but it won the football office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'Be advised the information herein may not be current and is subject to change. Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.'

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

"It's not begging if you've been to college. It's attempting to arrange interim financing while restructuring your debt load."

Stock Market - "I suggest you buy Acme Chemicals."

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

The tumbling dice...

"In the ring, kid. We want you to take a fall in the ring."