Financial Gambler Gifts

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

Speculators

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

Election slot machine. No matter the outcome, I always lose money.

Business is a game.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

Doctor's poker.

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'Will you make the final table?'

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

Test Today. I didn't pass the test but I did beat the point spread.

Stock Market - "I suggest you buy Acme Chemicals."

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"In the ring, kid. We want you to take a fall in the ring."

'Well, Dad said he'd take me to the zoo, but the only animals were horses running around a track!'

Boris Johnson and the Stock Market

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.

"Day trading? What's made in a minute is lost in a second."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

Fantasy Football Betting Pool

"I'm going to the house what England winning the World Cup, luckily the house doesn't belong to me."

"Ask your doctor if you're strong enough to day trade options."

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers