Market Dabbler Pillows

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

Stock Market - Ok, you've convinced me - give me one more share.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

My first mistake.

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"Do you know why you never made VP? Indecisiveness. You're still indecisive!"

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'Investors Chronicle' "How do I know whether to buy it or not?"

'Well, do you want to sign up or not?' - 'Um...yes and no.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The four major food groups.

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

'I'm going to refer you to a doctor. You seem to have developed immunity to winning stocks.'

"It's not begging if you've been to college. It's attempting to arrange interim financing while restructuring your debt load."

Self Service, Self Denial

"I'm taking you off 3 of the 4 basic food groups."

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

'It's the 'start tomorrow' diet. I've stuck to it religiously for 12 years.'

"I'm wearing a karate gi because my doctor told me to start aikido diet."