Dairy Dabbler Pillows

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

My first mistake.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Sorry Mum, but the silly haircut kind of ruins my body builder image...'

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

Self Service, Self Denial

"I'm wearing a karate gi because my doctor told me to start aikido diet."

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

'It's the 'start tomorrow' diet. I've stuck to it religiously for 12 years.'