Diet Dabbler Pillows

'How much longer do I have before I have to change to a healthy lifestyle?'

"Am I still hungry or am I just eating this because it's still there?"

The four major food groups.

Cheesecake nutritional information.

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

Self Service, Self Denial

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Dinner is ruined. I brought too many diet's home from the office again.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'I am going to change my diet, this drives me mad!'

'Who's having the lesser of two evils?'

'Look, all I'm asking is that you turn your head, and I'll just read my weight to you.'

'Using your workout video as a coaster for that huge dessert tells me you're off your diet.'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

'It's the 'start tomorrow' diet. I've stuck to it religiously for 12 years.'

The Fast Diet

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"I'm not putting you on a diet. I'm putting you on a hunger strike."

"I'm wearing a karate gi because my doctor told me to start aikido diet."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Dieting Motivation.

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

My first mistake.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.