Diet Dabblers Pillows

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Snow Surgery

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"I told you 'spot dieting' was a bad idea!"

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

'Lose weight now...ask me how!'

'This chocolate bar is full of fruit and nuts.'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"I'm a weight loss coach on Earth."

"I've started a new diet. I'm supposed to put Worcestershire sauce on everything I eat."

"I'm a lacto-ovo-everything-else-that-tastes-good vegetarian."

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

My first mistake.

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'