Diet Doubters Pillows

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Dieting Motivation.

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"I'm a monster."

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Like you, I'm a bit of a glutton, but I need to monitor my food intake otherwise I could be too heavy to fly..."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I do diet...between snacks."

"Buy them - and never look back."

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'