Diet Dreamers Pillows

'Will that be the diet special?'

'I'm starting my exercise program slowly...I'm pulling on the refrigerator door 30 times a day now.'

Diet.

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'You are being haunted by the spirit of a slimmer, trimmer, you.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Shrink