Dieting Dreamer Pillows

"I do exercise, stretching exercises. Got the stretch marks to prove it."

"How can I lose weight?" "Give up two things - solid food and liquid food."

'These weight loss pills really work! My pot belly is gone!!'

"See? The good still outweighs the bad."

'You need to go on a crash diet!'. 'They don't work for me-- I tried one yesterday.'

New Year Diet

'My strawberry cleansing cream, sesame oil skin moisturiser, and goat's milk soap have ruined my diet. At this rate I won't fit into my wedding gown.'

'I'm highly motivated to diet. Unfortunately I'm more motivated to eat.'

'Our volunteers have to be motivated by idealism, Mrs. Feeney -- we can't send you to Ethiopia just to lose weight!'

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

'Do you have any chocolate flavoured ones...?'

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

'I'm afraid that the thin person inside you screaming to get out is in immanent danger of digeston.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Motivation

My strawberry cleansing cream, sesame oil skin moisturizer and goat's milk soap have ruined my diet.

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"Is it me, or are the diet books getting bigger and heavier?"

Shrink

"That's disappointing. I was expecting an increase of one percent."

"It might sound silly, but I don't think this job is good for my diet."

Woman and scales.

Waste Thinner

'All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?'

Heavy sleep

'This is weird - there's a thin person inside me, TEXTING to get out.'

Loose Lips Sink Hips!

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

Lots of people are lousy at counting calories... and they have the figures to prove it!

'Going off the Caveman diet?'

"I grant you one wish..."

'I'm doing great with my diet...I can sit through three commercials before I raid the Refrigerator.'

"It's technically a milkshake, but if I call it a 'smoothie,' I can have it for breakfast."

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"I liked the scale better before we leveled the floor. It read ten pounds lighter on a slant."