Diet Debunker Pillows

'And who was this 'Friend' who told you about the magic sausage roll diet?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Excuse me. I have the most important announcement of my life. A scientific study shows that women who cut down on fat don't necessarily reduce their chances of heart attack or cancer. Thus I have a new two-pronged life strategy. Prong one: Eat as many french fries as I possibly can. Prong two: Remind the men in my life that the study only applies to women. Give me your fries or perish!!! I hate science. What if I wear a dress?

'The weight, maybe, but 'big-boned' doesn't explain the stomach.'

'Like most diets you can eat as much as you like of food you can't stand!'

Obese guy looking a shelf labelled 'Free Fat Food'.

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Fasting means you stop eating. It doesn't mean to eat your food faster."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Lite Beer.