Diet Fad Debunker Pillows

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

Complex Carbs

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your willpower is?'

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

"Everyone knows you can't disturb a nesting bird. I guess we'll have to postpone our diet."

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar which you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."