Diet Myth Debunker Pillows

"They say if you breathe in when you're supposed to blow out and blow out when you're supposed to breathe in you'll lose weight."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

'I'm not eating it, not if it's been genetically modified.'

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

More GM foods.

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your willpower is?'