Dietary Myth Buster Pillows

'Who said that horses aren't carnivores?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you bud, that eating grass thing is a myth!'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'How can anyone seriously believe that we sleep standing up and with our eyes open ,,,, Hello'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"My new day job is killing me."

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Complex Carbs

Lite Beer.

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

For the new gardener.

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"Look, Phil, I can see your shadow!"

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'Not another Doctor Who spin off!?'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'