Diet Dabblers Gifts

'I'm going to put you on a low carb diet,'

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Snow Surgery

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"I told you 'spot dieting' was a bad idea!"

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Weight Watchers live off the fat of the land.

'Lose weight now...ask me how!'

'This chocolate bar is full of fruit and nuts.'

'Slim at last!'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"I'm a weight loss coach on Earth."

"I've started a new diet. I'm supposed to put Worcestershire sauce on everything I eat."

"I'm a lacto-ovo-everything-else-that-tastes-good vegetarian."

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

My first mistake.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Spanx Tells Me No

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'