Dieting Dabblers Gifts

'Yeah, me, too — I gained it all back over the holidays.'

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

My first mistake.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

Snow Surgery

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Self Service, Self Denial

"I'm wearing a karate gi because my doctor told me to start aikido diet."

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'

"I'm taking you off 3 of the 4 basic food groups."