Exercise Dabblers Gifts

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"We feel you're over analyzing things a bit too much."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Socially distanced sledding

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

My first mistake.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Sometimes it's not a very good idea to be indecisive.'

DIY Shelves

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I'd like to get back to nature...'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.