Fitness Dabbler Gifts

'Your Dad's OK, he's just been temporarily inspired by the Olympics...'

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Socially distanced sledding

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

My first mistake.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

Snow Surgery

Well there's something you don't see every day...

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'