Fitness Dabbler Pillows

'Your Dad's OK, he's just been temporarily inspired by the Olympics...'

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

Sleepwalker on treadmill

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Socially distanced sledding

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

My first mistake.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

Snow Surgery

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."