Discipline Dabblers Pillows

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

My first mistake.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'I'd like to get back to nature...'

The Screeeen!

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Snow Surgery

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Dad, let's play hide and go seek. I'll hide your data, and you seek it. And when you can't find it, you pay me to return it."

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

"I've started a new diet. I'm supposed to put Worcestershire sauce on everything I eat."

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'