Profile Dabbler Pillows

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

My first mistake.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

Biolab. I put collie DNA into a shark. I got a fish that still bites --- but then it goes for help.

'What was the question?'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

A knitter's in and out boxes

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

"Dad, let's play hide and go seek. I'll hide your data, and you seek it. And when you can't find it, you pay me to return it."

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

"Oh no! Buy new clothes so I can go on a date, and then I have to ask dad for a ride to the movies, and I got this pimple last week right on my chin! Why is this happening?!"

Lost Property Trust - For the careless investor.

"Do cows grunt?.... I must have milked a pig then."

'It's just a first draft.'

Genetically enhanced height

Toy boat on a tsunami.