Dating Dabbler Pillows

"I get the feeling you haven't heard a word I've said"

You've reached the voice mail of an attractive, single woman. For training purposes, this call may be recorded by Jerkbusters International, a nonprofit organization.

"Oh no! Buy new clothes so I can go on a date, and then I have to ask dad for a ride to the movies, and I got this pimple last week right on my chin! Why is this happening?!"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

My first mistake.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

The Screeeen!

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'I can't decide whether to get a lawyer or tell the truth.'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

Biolab. I put collie DNA into a shark. I got a fish that still bites --- but then it goes for help.

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."