Professional Dabbler Pillows

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Socially distanced sledding

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

My first mistake.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

The Screeeen!

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

"Dad, let's play hide and go seek. I'll hide your data, and you seek it. And when you can't find it, you pay me to return it."

'I've got to get in shape. I visited a fitness website and now I'm sore.'

I was having fun making log letters when someone asked "why?" So I Qui

A knitter's in and out boxes

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

'Our 'Resolution Membership' is a no-obligation contract, complete with unscheduled workouts and spotty routines that fit anyone with weak, annual ambitions.'

'It's just a first draft.'

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

Lost Property Trust - For the careless investor.

Genetically enhanced height

Toy boat on a tsunami.

'Your Dad's OK, he's just been temporarily inspired by the Olympics...'

Man sees sign at fortune teller featuring mind reading and mind boggling