Devilish Dabbler Pillows

"Lord, Satan rejected this fireman. What shall we do with him?

Badminton/Goodminton

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Happy Halloween. Something's different about her. It's boo!-tox. Every Halloween its the same thing. They take candy off the house and never come to the door. That careless jerk almost trampled me! What was it? The "Heedless" Horseman! I know it's just toilet paper, but as a mummy it still gives me the creeps!

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"It's a recipe for self-care."

'What was the question?'

U R Here

"Isn't it amazing! My horoscope said I was going to meet a tall dark stranger..."

You are growing old

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

I was having fun making log letters when someone asked "why?" So I Qui

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

"Remember, just say treat. Don't give them an option."

'I'm not convinced hunting is an improvement on gathering.'

'I read Robert Gates' memoir. I wish he were still Secretary of Defense so we could cut his budget!'

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

Despite their best efforts Hell's scientists were never able to break the scorn barrier,

Toy boat on a tsunami.

Man sees sign at fortune teller featuring mind reading and mind boggling

DANGER - hook and worm...!

The sign reads - CAUTION, BOTTOMLESS PIT, NOXIOUS. The LESS has now been crossed out.

'No more steam roller spotting for you,Henry Huggins!'

Kim Jong-un