Demonology Dabbler Pillows

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

Ghostwriting the Bible

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

'It's true -- we DO communicate better in a chat room.'

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

"When I evolve I'm going to be an elephant."

'What was the question?'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

U R Here

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

'I hate his more-contagious-than-thou attitude!'

A knitter's in and out boxes

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

Caveman Basketball

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

Riddle behind the mask

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

'I'm not convinced hunting is an improvement on gathering.'

Despite their best efforts Hell's scientists were never able to break the scorn barrier,

Visual Gag Cardigans Cars wearing Cardigans made for Cars

I accidently deleted my hard drive, but it's okay. All the important stuff is on the refrigerator anyway.

"Unfortunately polishing my mouse isn't as relaxing sharpening my pencils."