Divine Dabbler Pillows

"Pretty good, but I'll bet you can't hit him again."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

"Norman's really into wild paddling."

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Practice Pigs at the Gene Farm

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

The Screeeen!

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"But part of me hopes there never is an Armageddon."

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'I was going to hunt for them. Then I thought hey - why not just clone new ones!'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

U R Here

"I'm scanning these old photos we're afraid of losing into my computer so I can lose them there."

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

'She's system two and this is the new beta release.'

'I'm not convinced hunting is an improvement on gathering.'

Caveman Basketball

'Awhile back I wouldn't tell what I read. I'm ready now...I read Tea Leaves.'

'Just ignore your father - he's been dabbling in the occult again....'

Genetically enhanced height

Toy boat on a tsunami.

Despite their best efforts Hell's scientists were never able to break the scorn barrier,

"'An easy fly ball to center field' - We'll see about that."

DANGER - hook and worm...!

I accidently deleted my hard drive, but it's okay. All the important stuff is on the refrigerator anyway.

"Unfortunately polishing my mouse isn't as relaxing sharpening my pencils."