Culinary Dabblers Pillows

"My husband said I should try a cookbook when I'm cooking! But I don't think it will taste any better!"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

My first mistake.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

The four major food groups.

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

Snow Surgery

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

Self Service, Self Denial

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Café. Lo Carb Specialties Diner. It's ironic that they advertise on a sandwich board.

'Diets are easy, I've been on loads of them.'