Dessert Dabbler Pillows

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

My first mistake.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

A boxing match between Apple Brown Betty and Apple Pan Dowdy

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"Let's flip for it, heads I win, tails, you lose."

Self Service, Self Denial

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

"I'm wearing a karate gi because my doctor told me to start aikido diet."