Fad Diet Dabbler Pillows

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

All Natural Nothing

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

Self Service, Self Denial

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

Book Signing. "The Inflation Diet." How does it work? You spend the same amount on food each week and the rest takes care of itself.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'