Fad Diet Dabbler Pillows

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

All Natural Nothing

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'You're going to have to stop smoking, drink less, change your eating habits and start taking regular exercise.' 'This seems awfy one-sided, Doctor.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I can guarantee on this diet you'll lose at least 50 pounds a month, until you cancel your standing order!"

"You research diets, then order junk food online. Your computer isn't broken, it's just confused."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

The four major food groups.

Snow Surgery

'Let's try again but NO laughing this time!'

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

"I'm trying to stick to a Paleo diet. Do you think cavemen had wasabi sauce on their sushi?"

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

Self Service, Self Denial

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"