Startup Struggler Gifts

We have an all volunteer workforce, and we're still losing money!

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

"When you've been here as long as I have, you'll start to burn out"

Computer Hitching a Ride to Silicon Valley

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

"I have no toys just yet. I have a concept of a plan for toys...toys like no one has ever seen before."

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

Lemonade Stand With Free Wi-Fi

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

"We'll analyze the only thing left to analyze: what people throw away."

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

"If I've got to work for a tyrant . . . I may as well work for myself."

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

S.S.dot.com

"You're just gaming down there? Shouldn't you be issuing your first IPO for some billion dollar internet enterprise you've created?"

And elevator with 'up', 'down', and 'pitches' buttons

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

Recycling bin for 'short term business plans'

"Let's all sing our theme song: 'I Love Venture Capital'."

"I'm appointing you head of marketing...your first job is to come up with something we can market...and to who??"

"Can you go through all the old pitch decks and replace the word 'crypto' with 'AI'?"

"All that's left is inventing something insanely popular!"