Stock Market Nerd Gifts

Bank manager reads book entitled: Banking for Dummies.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.