Stock Market Newbie Gifts

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

'I must admit, I've never seen a decline like this in the three hours I've worked in the industry.'

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Smiling businessman with rising profits

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

'I've never seen a stock crash so hard.'

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."