Stock Market Rookie Gifts

"Be truthful with me, Ben-what's the difference between mid cap and large cap?"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

A child runs an equity stand.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Jumping Wall Street.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'I've never seen a stock crash so hard.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."

Counting my Bonus...