Stock Market Rookie Gifts

"Be truthful with me, Ben-what's the difference between mid cap and large cap?"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Jumping Wall Street.

Money pouring in for a 'Acme Doodad Company's IPO.

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'I've never seen a stock crash so hard.'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."

'Those are my twins: NASDAQ and Dow. They were born at the height of the dot.com boom.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'