Investing Newbie Gifts

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

Financial Services For Lawyers...Beginner's Class...

"Investment strategy - fear."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'Downwind from a herd of first time investors approaches the pinstriped investment banker, eager to make a kill.'

'Quantitative easing' made easy for dummies.

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

Investment Firm's sign, 'No guts, no glory'.

'Hey, this is nice! You should see my starter cave!'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

Investments: New Investors Get Free Cell Phone With Ringtone 'We're in the Money'.

Investment bible...I'll wait for the video.

'The bad news is that our fund lost money this quarter. The good news is that it's other people's money.'

'There's nothing wrong with your cognitive abilities. All investors have short memories.'

"Dude...Smiley wants to meet me for a burger...maybe it means she's hungry."

"So we're cool? We can go on a date?"

'I was doing okay in the stock market until I started investing too heavily in liquid assets!'

The dow went over 10,000...

'Free 'I love money' bumper sticker to new investors.'

Bewildered, Inc. . . Stocks, bonds, mutual funds.

"Hey, my credit score is 271!! - It's a shame I don't even know what a 'credit score' is tho'. . ."

'You want to ask your uncle for investment advice? That's like asking Shaq for free-throw lessons.'

"Be truthful with me, Ben-what's the difference between mid cap and large cap?"

'My retirement plan suffered from a market correction.'

"Joey, how about our 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread' fund?"

"$Norman just launched his own cryptocurrency"