Investment Newbie Gifts

'Free 'I love money' bumper sticker to new investors.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Batman's Baby

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

wealth investment