Novel Newbie Gifts

Vanity Publishing - The customer is always write

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

Batman's Baby

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"Triple whammy."

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

'Quantitative easing' made easy for dummies.

Fisherman's new baby.

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Health Club Shop. DVD. Books. Do you have a simple guide to better abs? "Tummies for Dummies" would be good for you.

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

'Hello, technical support? Which one is the 'any key'?'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'Your first trial?'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

"I can't believe I'm in college. I never even found Waldo yet."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

"So THIS is what the outside looks like..."

"How'd you know I was from New York?"

"Dude...Smiley wants to meet me for a burger...maybe it means she's hungry."

"So we're cool? We can go on a date?"

'It's so weird at college, mom. The kids there are so different.'

"You may well have been here first but it doesn't work like that."

'Of course you can move back in with us, Son... but after only one day?'

'I was doing okay in the stock market until I started investing too heavily in liquid assets!'

New to New York, Mr Golez often felt he was living in a garbage can.

"There's that funny squealing again - I think it's coming from your side."

'Free 'I love money' bumper sticker to new investors.'

"Let's tow the trailer to a new state and make a fresh start."

'He must be so excited - Today is his very first day at school!'