Training Newbie Gifts

Health Club Shop. DVD. Books. Do you have a simple guide to better abs? "Tummies for Dummies" would be good for you.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

"He's at that awkward age...he knows just enough about computers to really screw them up."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

Bubbie Selfies

Please seat to be weighted.

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

"At least you made it into the hallway."

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

Computer books for dummies.

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

"You butt dialed me 187 times in less that an hour, dad."

'I'm no good at push ups.'

By the time I figured out how to read her e-book, she was asleep.

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

"Your fingers are the only part of you that's in shape. Apparently, the only exercise you get is texting."

'He still hasn't got the hang of it.'

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

'Hello, technical support? Which one is the 'any key'?'

'Your first trial?'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'