Fitness Newbie Gifts

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

'I joined a gym today and had my first vigorous workout. I thought I was sweating but I think it was my body crying.'

'Your first lesson is free.'

'Am I going too fast for you?'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'Touch my toes? I can't even see my toes!'

'Hello, you must be new here.'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

Man struggles to open the door to a health club.

"Papi, let's exercise by taking the stairs instead of the elevator. But that place that serves my favorite triple cheeseburger is on the fourth level!"

"Your fingers are the only part of you that's in shape. Apparently, the only exercise you get is texting."

'He sprained his wrist inserting the exercise DVD.'

Please seat to be weighted.

'I think I'll take up bowling instead.'

'If this is the kind of juicing athletes do, no wonder it's illegal.'

Walk right in. Sit right down.

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

"Well, I'm glad to hear you're finally using that tread mill!"

"Last year, you said you were signing up to a gym...it it nice?"

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

"I almost fell off the treadmill."

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Keep goin', Harry. No pain, no gain!"

'she's been at that three weeks now and it hasn't moved an inch.'

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

'Which program would you like - the use it or lose it, or use it to lose it?'